#27 – How to Become Attractive with Proper Training and Building Ego-Free Relationships

July 4, 2024 by VAHVA Fitness

Eero & Samuli talk about how to become physically attractive through training and how to become attractive in general. We also touch on how it's necessary to get rid of toxic influences in order to have healthy relationships.

How To Develop Attractiveness Through Health & Training

In this article, we go through how to become attractive as a man or a woman. Most importantly, we will also cover how to have good, healthy and deep relationships.

We all would prefer to be attractive, regardless of whether it's for others or ourselves. This desire is closely tied to fitness, as training for functional or aesthetic purposes often makes us more attractive.

Some may view this as vanity, and when it’s taken to extremes it can be, but there's a middle way where you can accept that your training will make you become more attractive without abusing yourself in the process.

Training has benefits, and improvements in health and fitness improve your attractiveness. But it’s a side-benefit, not the goal.

The topics we’re going to discuss in this article are:

  • Why bigger muscles doesn’t always mean more attractiveness
  • How confidence and competence outshine physical attractiveness
  • How health improves your attractiveness by a massive margin
  • Recognising and developing healthy relationships and
  • The negative impacts of online dating advice and pornography.

This is a little different to what we usually talk about but health, fitness, and attractiveness are tightly linked, and our own experiences have shown just how much focusing on one area has an impact on the others. Life is truly holistic.

Why should you listen to us in this topic? We have a lot of experience.

Eero is married to a model (and now a successful pastry chef) and has had a successful relationship for nearly 5 years (and on going). Samuli on the other hand has had lots of success in dating and relationships.

More Muscle Isn’t Always The Answer

There are many different ways to achieve attractiveness and beauty. The first example we’ll consider is bodybuilding, where the focus is on gaining as much muscle as possible.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this extreme focus on aesthetics may not always align with what others find attractive.

In fact, more men than women find bodybuilders attractive, and plenty of men wouldn't want to look that way either.

But when you’re in the bodybuilding world, you think that more muscle makes you more attractive. But it just makes you more muscular, and it's often driven by a desire to gain status among other men, rather than appealing to women.

It’s important to realize that there can be a healthy amount of vanity and narcissism. But like everything, it becomes problematic when taken to the extreme.

This pursuit of attractiveness can become pathological if it causes harm and is driven by a disharmony in the mind.

Focusing solely on aesthetics and neglecting health leads to a cycle of constantly needing to be bigger and more muscular which is harmful to the body.

But when you shift from the bodybuilding approach and start to focus on strength, functionality, and health, you create a more balanced approach to fitness.

Although muscle development may no longer be the primary focus, lowering body fat percentage and achieving a healthy physique still makes one more attractive.

Focusing on health, functionality, and self-acceptance is more important than solely chasing aesthetics. 

By taking care of our health and our body we can become more attractive in a holistic sense, both for how we see ourselves and how others see us. The pursuit of attractiveness through fitness should be balanced and not taken to extremes.

But of course, attractiveness goes beyond just physical appearance. Confidence and how you carry yourself play a significant role in how attractive you are perceived to be.

Why Confidence & Competence Vastly Outshine Physical Appearance in Attractiveness

Developing true confidence is another key aspect of attractiveness, and it goes a long way to establishing healthy relationships.

When you have genuine confidence that comes from within, you don't need to put on a facade or act in a certain way. You can be true to yourself, and people will generally accept you for who you are as long as you accept yourself.

Whether you’re skinny, fat, muscular, lean, tall, or short, confidence is paramount in attractiveness, as it goes beyond just physical appearance.

Someone who may not be conventionally handsome but accepts themselves and carries themselves with confidence and energy often appears more attractive than someone who is insecure about their appearance.

Your posture and how you move has a massive impact on how you are perceived by others and this all starts from how you see yourself and how you feel internally.

Our own personal experiences have shown that despite being considered physically attractive, insecurities and lack of confidence can massively hinder success in various aspects of life, including relationships with the opposite sex.

Your posture and how you carry yourself speaks to others before you ever get the chance to say something.

Building true confidence involves focusing on the things that actually matter. For us, this has included developing physical prowess and skills through martial arts and training, as well as doing things such as traveling, taking risks, and overcoming challenges in business or personal life.

Doing hard things and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will help you to grow and develop as a person, and you will build confidence as a result. This is why 
Warrior 20XX Method was so important for our development.

When you feel better in your body and in your ability to perform and be self-reliant, it will show in how you carry yourself.

Nothing has improved our confidence more than focusing on functional strength, movement and martial arts. Surprisingly, focusing solely on aesthetics had a negative impact on our self-esteem and made us just more insecure about ourselves.

Confidence gained through these means is not a gimmick but a result of personal growth and development. But confidence still needs to be built on a foundation of good health.

Health Equals Physical Attractiveness

spirit stance qigong yoga

Most people, regardless of their genes can be physically attractive but only if they are physically healthy. 

Having good posture, clear skin, healthy hair, eyes, and teeth are all indicators of health that contribute to attractiveness. Minimizing inflammation and focusing on overall health make a person look their best, regardless of their body size or shape.

Moreover, a lot of things that contribute to not being physically attractive (such as the shape of your jaw) stem from having bad health, bad posture and lack of structural integrity.

Being healthy and taking care of yourself is not just about vanity or seeking validation from others, it’s a form of self-care. It can also be seen as a form of selflessness because it allows you to be more pleasant and beneficial to those around you.

When you take care of your health and feel good about yourself, you're more likely to interact positively with others and contribute to society.

Diet plays a big part here. You are what you eat, as the expression goes, and when you eat things with nothing good in them, that’s what is fuelling you.

And, making sure you’re getting enough sleep to recover shows not just in your body, but in your nervous system. You can be more relaxed, more yourself, and this contributes to confidence.

Another thing most people don't realize is that how much structural integrity and balance contributes to your health and thus physical attractiveness. 

What I mean is that in order to be physically healthy, you cannot have bad imbalances, restrictions or injuries in your body. These not only destroy your posture but they also affect your internal organs and your hormones and neurotransmitters.

This is why Movement 20XX Method and Athlete 20XX Method are crucial - they will help you to develop structurally sound physique where the health has been maximized. You are building the "genetically gifted" physique.

Your attractiveness stems from a combination of physical health, genuine confidence, and societal success.

It's not about chasing validation or trying to fit a certain mold, but rather about becoming the best version of yourself through facing challenges, developing competence, and prioritizing overall well-being & health.

By focusing on these aspects, you cultivate attractiveness that goes beyond surface-level appearances and resonates with others on a deeper level. 

In conclusion, to become physically attractive, focus on health and physical competence (functional fitness and sports or martial artist).

How To Develop Healthy Relationships (And To Recognise Unhealthy Relationships)

Eero & Samuli talk about how to become physically attractive through training and how to become attractive in general. We also touch on how it's necessary to get rid of toxic influences in order to have healthy relationships.

The way you perceive yourself and how you present yourself to the world largely determines how you interact with others and the people you attract in your life.

People tend to attract others who reflect their own behavior and mindset, creating a bubble of similar individuals around them. This leads to generalizations about the opposite sex based on limited experiences within that bubble.

In social media, it's common to see posts where men are convinced "all women are that way" or women that are 100% sure "all men act this way". For example, some women think "all men cheat" and some men think you can never trust a woman.

It's important to recognize that these generalizations say more about the person making them than about the entire gender or group they're referring to.

People who engage in deceiving, manipulating, or other toxic behaviours tend to attract others who behave similarly, leading them to believe that everyone is like that.

In reality, healthy individuals with strong boundaries are less likely to tolerate such behavior and may not even interact with those who exhibit it.

Short-term Vs. Long-term Relationship Behaviours

Developing strong values and boundaries is crucial for navigating relationships effectively and keeping yourself safe in the dating market place.

Today, many people lack clear moral codes or guiding principles, so it is sometimes challenging to identify those with ulterior motives or harmful intentions. Today, people are not intentional about their actions.

Narcissists and other manipulative individuals may seem charming and attractive, making it easy to fall for their deception.

This is where the distinction between short-term and long-term attraction comes into play.

While someone may be alluring in the short-term, based on their appearance, charisma, or love bombing behavior, their true colors often emerge over time.

Long-term attraction, on the other hand, is built on a foundation of genuine, consistent behavior, trust, and compatibility.

To cultivate healthy, long-lasting relationships, you have to focus on personal growth. This involves developing a strong sense of self, setting clear boundaries, and learning to communicate effectively.

By becoming the best version of yourself and attracting others who share your values, you are able to create meaningful connections based on mutual respect and intellectual attraction. The physical attraction comes second.

The interesting thing about health is that while your health improves, so will your values and boundaries! People who are physically healthy (as long as it's done without medication or exogenous hormones), tend to be mentally healthy as well.

While short-term dating tends to focus more on superficial and visible things, long term relationships rely on everything else we just discussed.

Ego Vs. Ego Free Way of Handling Conflict or Differences

For years we have preached about ego free training and how ego training can destroy your body for a very little gain.

The same things often happen in personal relationships. When you are navigating relationships, there is always an egoistic way and a real way to handle things.

Developing maturity and healthy relationship skills involves practicing self-control, humility, and overcoming one's ego. Even though it can be challenging – especially in the heat of the moment – this level of humility is absolutely crucial.

A common way to handle conflict or problems is through criticism or blaming which is never good for the relationship. The other person gets defensive and is no longer receptive to the feedback.

If there is a problem, it's better to come from a place of humility and say "I feel X when you do Y" instead of blaming or criticizing the other person for what just happened.

By communicating in a non-aggressive, ego-free way, the other person is more likely to be receptive and understanding, leading to a real resolution of the issue. The actual relationship becomes a lot healthier and less toxic.

Apologizing and admitting when you've made a mistake is another sign of maturity and humility. It's surprising how many conflicts can be resolved by simply apologizing sincerely.

This ability to overcome your ego and take responsibility for your actions is crucial in maintaining healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Another important thing to realize is that sometimes it's better to be alone, especially if you're in a bad mood or having a difficult day, rather than projecting those negative emotions onto others. 

Your partner should be supportive but you shouldn't trauma dump everything onto him or her, especially because many of these moods and emotions are temporary and fleeting.

The Internet Dating Advice Is Ruining Your Relationships

toxic dating advice internet

Nowadays, a vast majority of advice you find online is fundamentally harmful. Whether it's Andrew Tate or a pick up artist selling a fantasy, this form of advice is sure to ruin your relationship.

They offer a promising solution and some of it can be good advice but rarely these people have successful or healthy relationships themselves (although they make it seem everything is always perfect which is a warning sign by itself).

Eliminating toxic influences and negative habits is another hugely important step in developing maturity and cultivating healthy relationships.

This includes letting go of harmful addictions like pornography, avoiding negative dating advice online, and stopping self-destructive behaviors.

By focusing on personal growth, health, functional strength and well-being, you can become a more balanced and attractive individual, both inside and out.

Pornography addiction and the vast majority of online dating gurus, and all their advice, has a detrimental effect on how individuals view and interact with the opposite sex.

It creates a scarcity mentality and is rooted in generalization, leading people to objectify others and see them as a means to an end. This results in fake interactions, dishonesty, and a lack of genuine connection.

Breaking free from pornography addiction and the online dating advice space, and focusing on building real confidence and healthy relationships is essential.

It’s a part of treating others with respect and seeing them as whole individuals rather than objects. It helps to develop a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. You never have to worry about losing your partner if you have a genuine connection with him or her.

When you enter into your interactions as a human, without an agenda or an end-goal in mind, you are more confident, more attractive, and more likable. You attract who you are. So you owe it to yourself to be the best version of you that you can be.

No amount of pornography or advice on the internet is going to help you get there. You will get there through focusing on health, building genuine confidence & competence, and being honest in the interactions you have with others.

In conclusion, this is how you become an attractive person:

  • Focus on improving your physical attractiveness and self-esteem by improving your health, posture and functionality with proper training & lifestyle
  • Build your confidence through self-growth, risks and by improving your life
  • Get rid of negative and toxic influences whether it's adult entertainment or toxic advice
  • Get comfortable with the opposite sex by acquiring lots of experience

So, keep up the training, keep developing your health and building up your life, focus on developing healthy relationships and get away from the negative influences, and of course, stay strong!


samuli jyrkinen

About the author 

Samuli Jyrkinen

Samuli is the ninja behind the scenes (photography, videography, websites, program platforms and more). He has been training religiously for over a decade and has a firm grasp of physical and mental fitness. You will find our story here.

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